Musings of an Over 30

Was Bill Cosby right?

2011-07-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

When looking at the so called Black/White achievement gap in America's public schools we have heard the debate go back and forth about what is the problem. Bill Cosby & Obama basically charge Black men with stepping up and doing better. They stop short of calling Black parents lazy and ignorant but that is the gist. Many others point to institutional, social and societal factors: Racist schools, degraded media culture, continues social and economic oppression, etc. etc.

In the end something needs to be done beyond blaming the victim (Black students) or the plantiff (parents & society). What will actually inspire, motivate, support and facilitate Black academic achievement in America? How can this gap, more appropriately termed the opportunity gap be bridged. Asa Hilliard said it's not about bridging the gap between Black student achievement and White student achievement but bridging the gap between Black student achievement and excellence.

Example: For the last year now, the most successful public high school in America is an all Black male school in Chicago that for the 2nd year has 100% of it's students getting accepted to a 4 year university. This charter school had 96% of its students reading below grade level when they entered the school in the 9th grade. 92% of them came from single parent households. They have an operating budget of $5.3 million for 550 students.

No gap there. That's excellence. Sure, there are concerns: What about taking this effort to scale on an institutional level? What about Black girls? How sustainable is it? What are the hidden variables and factors to their success that made this possible?

I don't think they prevented them from watching BET, recruited only highly motivated parents, or eliminated the effects of racism on these boys or their families. They didn't eliminate the violence in the neighborhoods they live in. So although I still don't have the answer for closing the opportunity gap, I don't think Bill knows either.

Where is that city?

2011-07-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

Can you tell me where Bay City is? No you can't it doesn't exist. There is no such place. I've heard of San Francisco, Oakland, Berkeley, Hayward, Emeryville, San Leandro, etc. but haven't hear of Bay City. But why did the Chevy dealership in OAKLAND seems to think that by naming their dealership Bay City Chevrolet that they are somehow more "hip". Really? Why? Is this a marketing ploy for out of towners who are scared to go to Oakland to be fooled and come buy a car? Really??

Someone didn't think this one through: Did it occur to you that this potential customer will soon find out when they enter the address in their GPS that it will indicate they are headed to Oakland? What are you going to do blindfold them? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe someone else has the name "Oakland Chevrolet" and you had to come up with something else...(wait) just checked google, that's not it either.

So it appears to me that this is merely an indicator of a larger trend. (think Piedmont) I imagine that someone is crafting a proposal right now to the City Council to seceede some North Oakland neighborhood and rename it Hipsterville or Oaksterdam or Bay City.

Get a job Slangin' for the Government!

2010-08-26T23:27:00.000-07:00

Now you can get a job slangin' for the DEA! No not selling drugs, but as a translator of black english, also know as ebonics. They are hiring interpreters for 114 different dialects, and decided to throw in slang as well.

One of the many ironies of this is that several years ago, the Oakland school board attempted to acknowledge ebonics formally in an effort to make english classes better able to translate ebonics to "proper english". To put it simply, how can you translate a language (ebonics to english) if you don't recognize the language you are translating?? (ebonics) Anyway, the entire country, including Bill Cosby and Jesse Jackson, totally dismissed the effort, completely misunderstanding the proposals intention. (no thanks to the media mischaracterization: can you say Shirley Sherrod?)

Now, the federal government in their supreme wisdom figure out that they need to formally translate ebonics to english in sting operations so they can make even more drug arrests of black men (as if the disproportinate number of blacks being sent to prison is not quite where it should and could be).

The irony of all ironies:

Translating ebonics for black kids in Oakland so they can learn proper english = very bad idea.

Trnaslating ebonics for DEA agents so they can incarcerate larger numbers of black men = great idea!

WTF???

Besides the issue of not working for the "Man" to further target and oppress black males for a drug policy that is racist and misguided (alcohol related deaths outnumber ALL illicit drugs combined as well as drug realted killings! Research that for yourself!), primarily targeting and criminalizing users instead of offering prevention and treatment....

...this is actually hella funny. (translation: very funny)

Try to imagine what the interview process would look like:

interviewer: "so tell me some slang?"

applicant: "Mutha#*&, you best hook me up with this gig b'foe I bust you in yo grill"

interviewer: "ohhh, that's good. What did you say?"

applicant: "I said that I'm very qualified and confident that I am a perfect fit for the job..."

and what would the resume say:

"Attended dozens of sideshows in 2010, participating in numerous dice games."

"Can text message 90 abbreviated words per minute"

"Currently have over 2500 myspace friends, 1900 facebook friends, and 1200 followers on twitter."

"Unemployed for 2 years, hanging on the block most days."

And then let's visualize this "translators" first day at work:

"Sooo, T Money, did I say that correct?"

"No it's C CASH."

"Right right, C cash... this is your cubicle...here's your headset... and let me introduce you to the team... Bill and Laura, I want you to welcome C cash. He's our new interpreter for the drug survellance unit...

Hi C cash! (looking at their ebonics cheat sheet). "What's the dilley yo?" (chuckle) Did I get it right?!

This is all a hot mess.

Nights Over Egypt

2010-08-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

I ran across these journal notes from a trip I took to Egypt in 2002. All true stories.

Driving

The lanes in Egypt are merely suggested paths of travel. Egyptians don't use headlights at night. "They use up the battery" one cab driver told me. They are flashed only to avoid oncoming traffic or striking pedestrians. Stoplights and stop signs are very rare and again are merely suggestions. Blinkers are a rare courtesy. I saw the first car use a blinker on my 5th day there. The horn is used more than the brakes. There wasn't 1 stoplight on a 15 mile stretch along the downtown shoreline in Alexandria. Crossing the street is exactly like the game Frogger on difficulty level 10.

Cigarettes are customarily offered to you by cab drivers before they ceremoniously light up every single time- no exceptions. One cab ride, the cab driver stopped at the gas station and asked me to pay for gas.

All cabs are equipped with an old meter that has not worked in decades. There are only a few places smoking is not allowed, the library and convention hall.

Sightseeing

When I was in the temple of Karnak, a soilder called me over and pointed to a monument, indicating that it was a good spot for a picture... then he asked for a tip. Because I am not familiar with weapons, I could not tell if his rifle was semi or fully automatic but it didn't matter, I tipped him automatically.

Travelling

When I caught a domestic flight on Egypt Air the announcer said "In case of change in cabin pressure, put out your cigarette first then secure your oxygen mask..."

It's a Man's World? No, it's MY world.

2010-04-11T00:58:00.000-07:00

My son asked me, "Why does mommy make all the decisions?" I replied defensively, "Mommy doesn't make all the decisions. We make decisions together by agreeing on them." "No, mommy makes all the decisions. She decided we were going to move, and were moving.." There was no sense in arguing. The boy couldn't possibly understand how I am just as much of a decision maker as mommy, if not more. For instance, he is completely unaware of the fact that mommy lets me pick out the movie 9 out of 10 times.

All jokes aside, when I mentioned the exchange to my wife, we wondered if he saw a problem with mommy making decisions because of sexist gender role expectations or what. When we asked the 6 year old who should be making the decisions, he pointed to himself, clearing up THAT confusion.

Bragging rights

2010-04-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

I found out from my wife recently that my 5 year old son was bragging in the back seat to a playmate that "My daddy got arrested. He went to jail".

Okay, first of all, that was when I was 17. I had a little too much to drink and got out of the juvenile facility in less than a day. But nevermind that. My son recalled that tidbit of information that I think I revealed to him when he asked me if I had ever been arrested, at least a year ago.

Why not mention that his dad is in graduate school and getting a 3.9 GPA? Why not mention that his dad has traveled to Africa several times and is taking him to Africa next year? why not point out that his dad is a Director and works at a school named after the first African-American president? Or that his dad reads to him every night and makes robots with him? These are the things that I think are having an impact on him but no, he is much more enamored with telling his friends that his dad has been to jail and is good at making guns! (I made a cork pop gun out of a pen when he wanted me to BUY him one.)

Just call a thief a thief

2009-12-12T21:01:00.000-08:00

We're leaving the house when my 5 year old saw the neighbors window busted. He said, "Wow, it rained so hard that it broke that car's window!", "No son, someone broke into their car." You know what came next "Daddy, why did someone break their window?" (You would think that at 5 years old he would know these things already, especially living in Oakland) I don't want to simply say, "Because they are broke" or worse "some people just steal. We call them thieves!" or even assume "They are probably looking for something to sell to buy drugs." So instead, I start explaining human behavior theories, highlighting environmental factors as primary determinants, and finally summarizing humanity and our concepts of good and bad as not being core attributes to peoples' nature, but subjective value judgements on behavior patterns.

He let me finish completely before saying: "Oh. So Daddy, what will we do if someone breaks into our car and steals something?" In a split second, I realize, in my head, 2 things: 1. calling the cops is moot except to have the city add me as a casualty to their stats, especially since the deductible is $500 and they are not going to dust for prints and interview the neighbors... 2. In 5 years my son has learned to do what it has taken me 36 years to do: Get to the point. "Well son, I guess we would just fix the window."

give me my dollar back

2009-12-12T13:59:00.000-08:00

I can't stand gimmicks. Attempt #1: First Safeway makes their checkers ask you if you want to donate to breast cancer or muscular distrophy, forcing me to make a choice to NOT give to this clearly worthy cause, out loud in front of everyone in the line. Not cool. Now I either a. feel guilty for not giving, or b. don't even blink, not giving a damn about sick women or children. Neither of those sit well with me. Of course I could say yes and give the dollar but then I will feel a. resentful for the sneaky intrusion on my shopping experience, or b. like my family is $1 poorer in the worse recession of my lifetime. All I want is my groceries, that's all. I already lied to the brotha in front of the store telling him I didn't have the change. Well technically I didn't have the exact change he was asking for and if I did, what I meant was that my family already had dibbs on all my available cash. Attempt #2: Oh, and now at the CVS when you swipe your card, they automatically prompt you to donate a dollar to some other cause and you again are forced to say "NO" to sick women and children.

Now I know we are supposed to have prosperity consciousness and give cheerfully and think abundantly so that the universe can return all that I give 10 fold, etc. etc. and I wholeheartedly believe all that. I also believe that a fool and his money shall soon be parted, so for now, I say "booo" to the execs at Safeway and CVS for hustling customers for the charities that their executives are on the board of.

The Dance Party

2009-12-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

It's a dance party in the living room. A regular Payne family ritual. Michael Jackson is cranking. Elijah is outdoing his self with jumps and spins. Me and Kafi are doing moves from the early 90's. Cameron is running in circles screaming. This is the point when Kafi says "move Elijah, Daddys going to do the worm!" That was my que to dust off my partystopper. I used to do "the worm" (also known as the centipede) as my climax move in my younger days, much younger. So without a moments hesitation, I stop doing the robot and hit the floor so smooth, Kafi was like "Wow! Daddy did that gooood! Do that again Daddy!" My whole family was in awe. This was a dance partay!

30 minutes later after I bathe and clothe the boys, the shooting pain in my forearm cannot be ignored but why is it hurting? Did I hit my arm on something? Then I realize in an instant. I just dove in the air, (twice!) landing on my arms, absorbing my full adult weight and now my arm hurts. Then a deeper realization washes over my mind: I am almost 36 years old, I haven't played basketball since Bush was president, I can't remember the last time I even sprinted let alone did some push ups, I measure my daily exercise with a pedometer! Damn.

I share my realization with my loving caring spouse that my epic dance move caused a minor injury and that it took my 21 year old mind 30 minutes to realize that my body is actually 35. She laughed so hard she stopped breathing a couple of times. I never got hurt before doing the worm but I never has so much fun doing it either. Yup, I'm getting older but I am loving the ride!

"The Kobe Special"

2009-11-28T22:39:00.000-08:00

Tiger Woods. Let's see, where do I begin? I was the first one to be gullible enough to believe that his wife valiantly tried to rescue her husband (who is reportedly a Billionaire) from imminent danger while trapped inside a wrecked car... with a golf club. Kind of ironic but hey, the man does play a lot of golf!

But now it appears that Tiger Woods has just provided reason number 3487 for not cheating on your wife. God knows I am not claiming to be perfect and not one to throw stones, but cheating is one thing that clearly brings unwanted consequences, ESPECIALLY when you are one of the most famous people on the planet. Google famous affairs of black Americans (Bill Cosby, Jesse Jackson, Kobe Bryant, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Shaq, etc.)

Woods reportedly said he needs a "Kobe special" which means a "house on a finger". Kobe's wife faithfully (pun intended) wears her "house" everyday but at a 4.5 million pricetag, it's more like a "neighborhood on a finger". With very little savy, I could easily snap up a whole city block in Oakland for that much money.

According to Tiger, his Norwegian blonde wife reportedly "went ghetto" on him. Hmmm, I wonder what Tiger visualized when he said the word "ghetto" and why he never thought his European wife would go there? Could race and class have anything to do with it?

I wonder if Tiger Woods, the only person on planet earth who says he is Not black will claim blackness when the conservative media gets through with this. I wonder if he will feel the scathing glow of racism and bias against a black man accused of making a mistake.

The media will have a "field" day but will Tiger remain in the "house"?

I wonder if he will have the same "awakening" as OJ Simpson did? Harry Edwards told a story about how during the black athlete boycott in 1968, OJ was approached and asked to support his brothers and sisters and join the "black boycott" while he played at USC and he reportedly replied "I'm not black, I'm OJ!"

Tiger's now famous declaration that he is cablaisian (white, black and asian) is laughable, but default treatment as "black" because that is how the world perceives you is not. It seems with Tigers referenced connection to Kobe and his reference to his "ghetto" wife, that he is getting blacker by the minute. I hope Tiger stops by the psychiatrist on his way to Zales because he has a lot to sort out.

Public courtesy?

2009-11-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

It's dinner at the local ice creamery. I take Elijah to the bathroom. He goes in the stall and proceeds to get about 20% in the actual bowl. Then he does something I have NEVER seen him do before. He takes some toilet paper and starts to wipe down the toilet seat that he didn't bother to lift up before he christened it. I am stuck. Then this warn feeling comes over me: The lectures about responsibility are finally working! I am proud. With a big smile, I ask Elijah: "Son, you wiped the toilet seat! You do that at home?" He flatly says "no". (smile fades) I am stuck again but this time confusion washes over me. "You mean you clean the public toilet but leave your own toilet a mess??" "Umm, (giggle) yeah." WTF??

Afrocentric tooth fairy

2009-11-16T21:07:00.000-08:00

So Elijah is eating a snack Sunday afternoon and screams out. This is not a rare occurance so I casually inquire "What seems to be the problem son?", "My tooth is loose! Baaaaa!" I check it out and indeed his tooth is loose. I then wonder if he should be losing his tooth by now and consult my online doctor: Yahoo! questions. It's confirmed that kids can generally begin losing teeth between 4 and 6 years old. So I calm him down by trying to get him excited about all the benefits of losing a tooth. I tell him he will get a treat. then he replies "From the tooth fairy?" *pause* Think quick, I wasn't prepared to confirm or deny a mythical character like the tooth fairy. We killed the Santa Claus myth years ago, but the tooth fairy? We missed that one. Well, if I tell him there is no tooth fairy, it's irreversible but if I confirm it I can decide to kill the myth later or substitute it for a more culturally appropriate one. "Yes, the tooth fairy will come!" (I just bought myself some time) "And bring me a shiny new dime?!" "Yup, super shiny!"

So the next day, mommy get's some cotton and yanks it out, no screams and no tears. Meanwhile, I am looking for an afrocentric tooth fairy on google of course and I find it. Children put their tooth under a gourd and the African tooth fairy exchanges the tooth for 2 chickens... (That's live chickens) *pause* Ok, so the ritual needs a little modification so I go search for a shiny dime and wait for Elijah to fall asleep.

The next morning, he is as happy as can be with his dime. Then he asks "How did the tooth fairy get in the house?", "I don't know." Then he says, "She probably broke the window and came in the house. Oh, I know, let's go find the broken window!"

inappropriate language

2009-11-14T21:01:00.000-08:00

I am talking to Kafi the other day and I use the word, "inappropriate". Something like, "oh no, that picture looks inappropriate..." Elijah records it to memory and proceeds to use it every chance he gets. "Elijah go get dressed for bed", "Awwww, mannn, that's inappropriate!" No Elijah, that's not the correct usage of the word but I commend you for trying, now get dressed.

Seeing the world anew

2009-11-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

Elijah has started reading. After a month of nightly lessons with his mother, Elijah is reading everything he can look at. After he reads stuff he asks questions like "Why is that called Taco Bell?" me: "Because they sell tacos." him: "But why is it called taco BELL?" me: "Gee, I don't know." Now of course I know: It was started by an ex-marine named Glen Bell who opened his first 'Taco Bell' in 1962. At least according to wikipedia.

A new reader sees the world anew. He is always asking "what does that mean?", "Why did they put that there?" etc. and 9 times out of 10 it is simply bringing to my attention how much I don't know, just like graduate school and my wife.

"What the f*** you pull ME over for?"

2009-09-07T21:39:00.000-07:00

It's Labor Day weekend. The whole family is returning from a trip to the drug store. On the way, we run into a sobriety checkpoint. Not exactly fun. How dare they? What if we were in a hurry? Oh well, I guess it's a good thing. We actually don't want drunk drivers on the road and I haven't had a drink since November 1994 but who's keeping track. The line of cars is moving slowly and as we pull up to our designated officer for the "check", I (in my mind) wait for instructions from the officer who is quite friendly. He politely introduces himself as officer so and so from the Emeryville police and that they are checking seatbelts and sobriety. He remarks that I clearly look sober, asks for my license, gives me a flyer to put on my dash, indicating that I have passed the test and I slowly pull off. That's exactly how it went down (in my head).

Right after we pull off, my wife immediately remarks that I was looking angry and rude and that I should not be so stand offish or confrontational. ??? Confusion. I thought you had to say "What the f*&k you pull me over for?" to be confrontational but she informed me that a flat affect, stone still and barely responsive, except to respond to requests like, "license please" or "show me your hands" is rude and confrontational and not the way you want to be to an officer of the law.

I am defensive at first but realize that I am never more aware of being a black man, (just like Rodney King or Fred Hampton) than when I am being pulled over or "checked" by the police. Hence, I may have been a little terse with the friendly cop, even though I have nothing to fear. I am not on PCP, speeding 100 miles on the freeway running from the cops, I am not leading a black liberation movement that is public enemy #1 of the FBI. I don't have weed or drink in my system or in the glove. No weapons. My license, registration, tags and car payments are completely legit and up to date. No outstanding parking tickets and no points on my record (anymore). Tail lights work, blinkers blink and the radio isn't even on. Why would I not be completely relaxed with my whole family in the car on a Sunday evening trip from the store. I don't even have dread locks anymore! Okay, I'm tripping. I mean don't get me wrong. I will never be the person who gets beat down because I didn't know how to follow directions. He could have told me to get out of the car and do the cabbage patch and I might have did the running man too, just not with a smile.

So my ever wise wife begins practicing with me the proper way to greet an office of the law. "Good evening!" (Big smile) That's sarcastic, try again. "Hello, hi." (less of a smile) That looks like a smirk. Not good. And so we go back and forth like this until I get it just right. "Good evening" (measured tone and cadence, but light and easy smile to follow and slight head nod with the head tilted just so) That's better.

So the whole drive home, I practice my cordial greeting to officers of the law. I got it down. I'm ready. Now I just hope it holds up if I run into an as*h*** cop.

The ghetto vegitarian

2009-07-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was doing the pac man for my students. One boy stared at me for a minute then said “Mr. Payne, you’re a vegetarian, but you’re ghetto!” Like the two were mutually exclusive. I laughed out loud. That was the funniest thing anybody said to me in a long time. He was already grappling with the fact that as a black man, I didn’t eat chicken, but now this. He was genuinely puzzled by the whole thing.

My son Elijah is in this summer program called Oakland Freedom Schools (OFS). It’s a reading enrichment program for black kids, modeled after the Freedom Schools in Mississippi in the summer of 1964. OFS is very radical. I was a OFS teacher back in ‘95 and the director in ‘98. It is only natural that my children attend the program. After 1 day at the school, he is on our back porch chanting “Chant down Babylon, OFS is the bomb, we ready, we coming...” Another favorite that I am sure they will teach him is “We be an African people…” and “Revolution has come! Shine your light like the sun!” I asked him how was his day and he starts talking about “the girl who doesn’t listen”. He doesn’t even call her by her name. He starts off a sentence like “Dad, today the girl who doesn’t listen… fill in the blank.” Like that’s her Native American name or something. I ask him, “son, what’s her name?” He pauses and thinks for a minute, trying to access that information. A few seconds later he remembers. I say, “Son, from now on, call her by her name.”

Elijah is also quite the filmmaker. We have this flip camera and Elijah makes 15 minute movies of himself walking around the house, playing with his brother and engaging his parents. He surprised me today when he revealed that one of his movies has a title. We’re watching one of his “movies” and he says “is this ‘Walking on Water?” “Huh? Walking on water? Is that the title of your ‘movie’? When did you come up with that?” The boy is creative.

And lastly, reason #235 why I hate the media: Obama visits Ghana yesterday. This is his second visit to Africa (he was in Egypt a while back) but they repeatedly described it as the presidents first sub-Saharan African trip. Why? Did they every say, “his first trip to eastern Europe?” No they didn’t. I checked google. Then to top it off, they show the Ghanaians celebrating Obamas arrival and they show hundreds of folks literally dancing in the streets. With all of these people to choose from, they choose to interview a lady wearing 2009 shades. You know, a pair of glasses that are in the shape of the number 2009, with sparkles and glitter all over them. You know, the glasses you wear for new years eve. I don’t even remember what she said. All I could think was: Why? Why? Why?

Just enjoy the ride

2009-07-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

Flying to New York on Sunday for an all day funeral on Monday and returning on Tuesday would seem like a big, stressful event. Especially when you throw in traveling with a 5 year old and an 18 month old. I did my best to make it easy on myself: Took time to relax Friday day before the trip, bought direct flights from Oakland to JFK which was 10 minutes from where I was staying in NY. I traveled light, carried lots of snacks for the kids, and spared no expense in the airports and on the plane. You want to see a movie for $6? No problem. You want a burrito? juice? muffin? headphones? magazine? You got it! Excuse me, can we get 2 more bags of animal crackers?

The trip was indeed major. Small jubilant, active children in a funeral home for 3 1/2 hours was a bad idea but necessary. Family is family and when one of their greatgrandmothers passes, they have to be a part of the transition, for their sake but more for the surviving families sake. So we went and I was exhausted.

Checking in at JFK to fly back home, the airline had 50 people in line ahead of me and the line was moving slow. Cameron waited a full 10 minutes before he started screaming. Elijah wasn't sympathetic. He started whining too. People started staring. When your baby starts screaming in public, you get all kinds of looks ranging from "Oh, poor baby. He's so cute, etc." to "What kind of parent are you? Your child is screaming." I just looked back at all of them like "Say something and you'll get your feelings hurt in a New York minute." Cameron screamed for a full 10 minutes before the airline people pulled me out of the line and checked my bag, explaining to me that "Your child is screaming, let's get your bag checked." I resisted making a dozen different smart remarks and simply expressed my humble appreciation of the gesture. I get up to the counter. Cameron promptly stops screaming. I smile and explain to Elijah the silver lining of the moment.

On the plane, I got up to walk Cameron around the plane to prevent a meltdown, leaving Elijah in his seat next to a 15 year old unaccompanied minor and I hear Elijah behind me whimpering, following me down the aisle. I turn around and walk with him back to his seat and explain that I wasn't leaving him and that I was coming right back. He listened to me patiently and indicated that he understood and then whispered very loudly in my ear: "but daddy, he's a STRANGER" And he was right. I didn't have any reason to trust him with my son and Elijah wasn't going to take the risk. Sure the chances are slim on a plane 30,000 feet up but we taught him, a stranger is a stranger. You don't trust em, on a train, or in a plane, in a box with a fox eating green eggs and ham.

Finally, I am back in Oakland waiting for my bags. The first batch of bags come then the conveyor belt stops. and it stays stopped for 10 minutes. Half the people from the plane are still staring down the conveyor belt looking dumbfounded. I overhear someone who spoke to an employee of the airline mutter something about them being short staffed today. I mused to myself that I wasn't 'short' when I paied for my plane tickets. I couldn't say to the ticket counter "Oh, I'm a little short on cash today" and expect to get a ticket. Oh well.

It was when I returned to Oakland, relieved to be off the plane, that I relaxed for about 1 hour then started thinking about the class I had to go to in an hour and the assignments that might be due and the work I missed the day before and the meeting I had to go to for work and the team lead I needed to call to let them know I would be in a meeting and not to expect me until after 11 or so... it was after the flood of details and preparations started churning in my mind that I realized how much of a mental break the trip to New York was. It was physically taxing no doubt, containing Cameron within a 2x3 area on the plane for 5 1/2 hours each way, and helping Elijah find the cartoons, but the mental complexity of the task (keeping him fed, contained and not screaming) was a piece of cake compared to the juggling act of work, school, home, work school, home. But I'm not complaining. I just enjoy the ride and try not to take any of it for granted.

No more small talk

2009-04-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

Anybody who really knows me, knows that I am very discreet. I don't like to draw attention to myself in public but rather be the observer. Well today, while browsing the drug store for a fan for my house because it's 100 degrees, I notice that the selection is slim and not only that, the fans are ridicilously priced. I glance at the lady examining the selection too and mention out loud "it looks like they raised the prices for us because it's so hot" The woman looks at me and says loudly "What?" (in hind sight I realized that she must have been hard of hearing) I repeat my statement louder and she then replies 5 decibles louder than me. "Yeah, and they don't have any wattage information so you can't compare the different fans..." I was acutely aware that everyone in the store could probably hear this woman. I was no longer interested in small talk with this loud person but she kept going. I responded out of politeness and she kept talking loudly about the lack of specifications on the box.

I expected to say something, and for her to respond and that would be the end of it. Not a long conversation and not at full volume. Oh well. So much for small talk.

You want the what cake?

2009-04-06T18:02:00.000-07:00

My son Elijah turns 5 on Wednesday and we were having a small party to celebrate. I take him to the bakery like I do every year to pick out a cake. You know, a football cake or baseball cake, or maybe a Cars cake or Hula Hawaiian cake like last year. So I show him the 20 or so cakes in the display case and his #1 pick is the snow white cake with a big figurine of snow white and a castle in the background. "You sure you want that cake son?" "Yes, I want the princess cake!" (The princess cake is absolutely not an option. Not just the gender role thing but the Disney marketing machine has tricked my son into thinking he wants 'princess cake'.) "Elijah, I'm sorry son, the 'princess' cake is sold out. What's your second pick?" "Oh, ummm, I'll take the baseball cake." "Oookkk, baseball cake it is!"
As I happily order the baseball cake I wonder: what is my fear with my son getting a princess cake? Am I training him to be sexist by limiting his options for expression? Answer to self: Oh well, at least he got to pick from the football or baseball cake. He'll get over it and I'm already over it.

As the world changes, so does my approach

2009-03-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, now Elijah is almost 5 and has hit this chatterbox phase. He asks 50 questions a minute. "Daddy, the world has changed." "Yes son, it has." "Why has the world changed dad?" "Because the sun went up and down."

Gone are the days (yesterday) when I though I could dig deep in my soul for every question he asks me. Now I am rattling off random answers and keeping it moving. I know. So disappointing. I'm over it already.

And another thing: he is obsessed with making everything a race. "Daddy, I finished my pasta before you, I win!" "Daddy, I beat you to the corner!" At first I supported his winning attitude. Then it got tired. "Elijah, were eating dinner, it's not a race." Then I impressed upon him "Son, you compete against yourself. If you win, it's because you beat your personal best, you understand? Nobody in this house is a loser: not your brother or your parents, understand?" silence..... "Elijah, I said: do you understand? There are no losers in this house!" (silently nodding his head) "Yes there is", "What did you say?", "Yes there is, you and mommy are losers, ha ha ha..."

Well, that was the last time I let him win a race to the corner. I ran past him and got 50 feet ahead and as his laughing trot turned into a sad cry for me to slow down to let him catch up. I grinned and turned to run faster. No more kid gloves. He got to learn. Don't gloat to someone 3 times your size.

What happened to "Why is the sky blue?"

2009-03-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

Today my 4 year old son, Elijah asked me "Daddy, why do rappers love women?" Where did that come from? How does he know about rappers? and their "love" of women? Where do I start? I had no idea. I stumbled through a long drawn out intellectual discourse on race, class, sex and power, and threw in a gratuitous contrast to me and his moms relationship: Me, not being a rapper and loving 1 woman, his mom. Note to self: No more Snoop Dogg on the radio with the kids in the car, even if it's a "classic".

Deep Questions

2009-02-16T16:21:00.000-08:00

Today my 4 year old son Elijah asked me "Daddy, what does it feel like to die?" I am used to him asking me questions that I have never been asked before nor have a clue about the answer, so I said, "I don't know son. That's a good question. I guess it depends on how you die. If you die a hard death, it may be painful but if you die a peaceful timely death, it might actually feel good."
Although I am a world class bullshitter, I am always humbled to struggle to give the most honest, thoughtful, informed answers to my sons deep questions. And afterwards, I think about the question long afterwards and he has moved on to playing with his legos.

Can't take the heat

2009-02-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

Context:
For my 35th birthday, my wife got me my ancestors. She got me a DNA test that will determine with 99% accuracy, what village (and modern day country) my ancestors are from. The test will go back between 500 and 10,000 years. I am so juiced. I can't wait to find out which African language, history and culture belongs to MY ancestors. There is a catch: The test is a patrilineal test and there's a 30% chance my ancestry will show up European. This should need no explanation.

Clown:
So last week we were driving out to Concord and it's 70 degrees outside. I am sweating. I ask my wife if she is hot. She flatly replies "no". I complain again about the heat and she says "You're not African!" and turns on the AC for me. I laughed, but if I get my results this week and they say my 17th generation grandfather is from Northern Ireland, I'ma be dissapointed.

Stay tuned for the results... unless of course they are European, then I just won't mention it ever again.

UPDATE: "I am an African! My results came back 100% match, Fulani Tribe. They are primarily in Gunnea-Bissau today, but they travelled all over Africa and came from the east. I am proud to have a connection to my people going back before the atlantic slave trade. My history no longer begins with "slaves" but with the Fula!

Legendary Encounter: True Story!

2009-01-26T15:34:00.000-08:00

Walking with my sons in a stroller one day, I see this brotha across the street staring at me. He looks just like Paul Mooney, the comedian and former writer for Richard Pryor. Paul does very serious, very funny commentary on white racism, black foolishness and everything inbetween so I was truly amazed to realize that it was indeed THE Paul Mooney wearing a crazy get up walking toward me with a grin, holding a cigarette proclaiming "Hey, I know what you like to do!" Presumably he was insinuating that I like to have sex a lot because I have 2 children but I am quick to point out to people who make that assumption that it only proves that I enjoyed myself twice in the last 5 years for approximately 5 - 12 minutes each time. I ain't saying I even know exactly how long it took or that those are the only times I had relations but I'm just making a point: Kids don't equal oversexed black man, a stereotype brothas usually revel in whether the assumption is true or false. But all of this would be lost on the legendary Paul Mooney, making a punch line out of my late afternoon stroll with my kids. I realize instantly that he doesn't perform for an audience, he amuses himself, everywhere he goes. The world is his entertainment. Such is the life of a black comedian. When we are not angry, we think shit is hella funny and will revel in the humor of a situation as long as possible.

Sporting this grin, Paul Mooney walks right up to me to shake my hand. I greet him like I know him "Hey Paul, how you doing!" We share pleasantries and continue on our separate journeys, and I think to myself, 'no ones going to believe this!'

Fatherhood flashes

2009-01-12T19:32:00.000-08:00

I used the bathroom today and my son Elijah ran into the bathroom to use it after me. He did his business and promptly ran out of the bathroom. I yelled to him "Hey, you not going to flush?" and without breaking stride, in a whimsical tone he said "No". Needless to say I made him come back and flush (and wash his hands) but just goes to show that retorical questions don't always work with 4 year olds.
The other day I went to the market to get some stuff. I had my boys with me. I am leaving and see a brotha in the parking lot selling Obama t-shirts. I make a comment, he makes a pitch "got all sizes, just $10, etc." Then the shopping cart that I am pushing my sons in suddenly stops. Apparently they have an invisible boundary a few feet from the store and if you cross it the wheels lock and the cart stops right in it's tracks. I am scooping Cameron and the brotha doesn't miss a beat and grabs Elijah up out of the cart. I had several silent reactions in a split second.
1. I got this bruh, no need to invade my invisible family bubble. Personal space, personal space!
2. Thanks bro, it takes a village to raise a child, each one teach one, Umoja! Good looking out.
3. But dude, I DON"T KNOW YOU. Why are you so quick to grab my son, not cool.
4. He's setting him down gently, Elijahs not freaked out, that was helpful, okay, thanks man.
5. I hope he don't think I am going to buy his t-shirt.

Then finally I say out loud, "Thanks man, take it easy, aright"

Can we all get along? Hell naw!

2009-01-09T21:54:00.000-08:00

With the tragic killing of Oscar Grant in Oakland by a BART police, young people took to the streets and raised hell. There were demonstrations, many of them organized, coordinated, and peaceful. And some of them was just raising hell. Breaking windows, burning cars, confronting police, etc. The family pleads for peace and says "Oscar would not have wanted people (rioting) in the streets, etc..." It was reminicient of the Rodney King "Can we all just get along" plea during the LA riots.
Well, for the record, if I get shot in the back while unarmed, face down by a cop, I want lots of rioting. Property damage is unfortunate for those business owners and car owners who got caught in the riot but it doesn't compare to the loss of life and a statement has to be made.

I know this ain't the politically correct thing for an over 30 person who pays all his taxes to say but fuck that. People can't do the silent protest thing when the Mayor hadn't said nothing and the district attorney wasn't talking about an investigation or nothing. Now, after the riots, you have the Mayor talking all day and night about it, demanding an independent police investigation and the district attorney promising an investigation. I don't think speaker cards at the City council meeting would have gotten the same attention and traction a good old fashioned riot brings. So if I get done wrong, I'ma need ya'll to raise some hell!

Racial Debate?

2008-12-18T17:26:00.001-08:00

There seems to be some debate about whether Barack Obama is black. Atrticles are being written and debates are happening around: How black is he? He's really mixed and what does that mean? He's not really African-American because his dad is African and his mom is white? and so on and so forth.

Funny how this was super clear to white people for over 400 years. Even if the white slave master fathered a child with a black woman, it was crystal clear: That child is a negro and a slave and is going to work without pay for the rest of their life. Period.

But we don't have to go that far back in history: It was clear that WEB Dubois was black. It was clear that Thurgood Marshall was black. It was clear that all those lightskinned, mixed Tuskeegee airmen were black when they were given syphlis. There was no debate that Colin Powell who is solidly Jamaican, is black. Even Tiger Woods explicit declaration that he does NOT identify himself as African-American or Black is ignored by whites and blacks alike and assigned to the black race. So why is it all of a sudden a debate about Barack being black when he has explicitly declared that he is African-American? Say it with me: White supremacy!

People are arguing that he is half white which is not particularly creative, but how many mixed black people enjoy their half of white privilege? Do they get half of the oppression for being only half black? It's redicilous when you think about it.

Racism ideology is fighting for it's life! Racism as an institution is alive and well and thriving, simply according to the present day disparities in living conditions and treatment in the current society. But this racism began with a thought, a notion, that whites were better than blacks or anybody not white and the idea of a black man as president of the united states, flys in the face of this original notion, and the white supremacist must find a way to resolve this profound cognitive dissonance. This debate has absolutely nothing to do with the complexities of race and everything to do with the fact that a black man has become the most powerful man on the planet.

So whenever you hear the debate taking place, or see an article about it, see it for what it is; someone only using half their brain. Not the white half or the black half but the racist half.

No cheap thrill!

2008-12-14T16:13:00.000-08:00

I recently got some condoms (cause I already have 2 kids) and my wife calculated, based on price per jimmy, That it costs me 58 cents per jam session. She remarked how cheap it was to get down. I corrected her and calculated, based on my cumulative salary over 8 years of marriage + 5 grand I put down on the wedding + 1 grand I sent her while we were dating and it came out to over half a million dollars. After taxes, that's roughly $355,000 to "make magic" with my lovely wife. I said: "Baby, you ain't no cheap thrill!" and she said: "And you ain't nearly done paying either!" Ahhh, love and marriage at it's finest.

Parable of the Wallet

2008-12-07T16:17:00.000-08:00

I had this black wallet I got a few years ago. It was perfect. I used it everyday. Until my credit cards started falling out of the sleeves. It was falling apart. I went to the store and got a brand new brown wallet. Shiny velvet lining, fancy. And cheap too! I liked my new wallet very much. Until my credit cards started falling out of it after several months. Then I tucked all my cards into the inside pocket of the wallet. Then the lining ripped and it was fast falling apart. What happened to my new wallet?
Then one day, looking for a business card, I saw my old wallet. I took out all the old receipts and cards I don't use and looked at it. No rips. It was nice and flat. I took all my cards out of my new wallet and put them in the inside pocket of my old wallet and it worked like a charm. It was sturdier and held my cards tight in the pocket with no signs of ripping or falling apart. My old wallet was perfect all along. I rejoice in simple pleasures like this. It don't take much. So I told my wife the story of the 2 wallets and she nodded slowly and said to me: "(your story about your wallets) is like me. Just in case you think you want someone else, think again because that new chick will fall apart and you'll be more worse off than ever."
Oh, the wisdom...

Capitalize at the Capitol!

2008-12-03T20:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I still ain't heard back from the transition team about a job offer but I'm sure they are just real busy and will get to my application but in the meantime I got a great idea! When I realized:
1. That every black person in America is going to be in DC January 20th for the inaguration
2. It will be cold as hell
3. Obama paraphenelia is only getting more popular and diverse
Sooooo......
I'll make tons of money selling Obama gloves, beenies, scarves, sweatshirts and blankets on the mall! There will be at least 20 million people there and they will be cold and utterly unprepared for DC weather but even if they are, they will shed their Gap hoodie in a second to don the Obama: "Commander-In-Chief", diamond studded military style beenie and matching sweatshirt. Oh, I got dozens of ideas and I ain't even worried about putting it out there for other people to steal the idea because I can't possibly fill the demand by myself. Trust me, I was at the Million Man March and there were thousands of vendors and peddlers.... besides, at events like this, people always buy crap they really don't need or ever even use (Million Man March cooking apron? or framed velvet collage of Minister Farrakhan superimposed on the capitol dome) So just imagine the demand for something that will serve an immediate function: Warm their butts up!
But I need some seed money so I'm looking for some investors...

If the shoe fits...

2008-11-29T18:34:00.000-08:00

People walking down the street talking on the phone with a bluetooth is #320 on my "stupid things that people do list". You see someone walking and all of a sudden they are like "Hey, how are you doing?" You look around and respond, "hey', wondering why a stranger is talking to you. Then he or she ignores you and starts a conversation with themselves... then they turn and you see the bluetooth in their ear and realize they are having a conversation with someone who isin't there. I even heard that a certain Oakland City councilmember was in the chambers during the city council meeting.... with a bluetooth in his ear. Trifling. I ain't naming names but he's the only black man on the council.
Then the state passes a law outlawing talking on the phone while driving. On the surface this would seem like a simple safety issue but it's not because text messaging is still legal! It's a law written by bluetooth manufacturers! Bastards. So anyway, I spent the first few months talking on the phone illegally but got tired of my wife's admonishment: "ring ring" , "Hey babe" "Hey, what are you doing?" "going to work, etc." "Are you driving on the phone?!" "Yes." "Get off the phone before you get a ticket!" And this went on everyday for a couple months and I finally bought one after my wife ordered me to get one. She is on the internet, talking about: "Macheo, get the David Beckham bluetooth, it's only $59.99!" I go to Costco and get the $19.99 one. But mark my words: if you ever see me wearing it outside of my car, slap me down where I stand because that is still #320 on my list!

Cheap Gas

2008-11-26T16:25:00.000-08:00

Gas is so cheap, I feel like driving around so I can buy more gas! I filled up my tank for $16 last night. Gas was $1.95 a gallon. What is happening in the economy however is definately bad, but until I get laid off, this cheap gas thing is great! News Flash! I realized however that all good things come to an end and as soon as the economy picks up, so will the gas prices. But until then: I'm mashing in the right middle lane.

But Seriously, that election....

2008-11-19T21:31:00.000-08:00

I have to write something serious:
American is still racist. black people and a host of oppressed populations (women, latinos, LGBTQ, asians, disabled, poor, immigrants, non-christian, etc.) must now more than ever be in complete and total unity. The black vote that came out for Obama also contributed to the passing of prop 8 which discriminates on Gay and Lesbian people, denying them one of the most basic civil rights to marry, making that great Tuesday bittersweet because Martin Luther King Jr. would have voted no on 8. He and the Black Panther Party built strong coalitions with Gay and Lesbians. It's like were going backwards now. Folks have to own up to their heterosexism and homophobia and get over ourselves. We need to realize that freedom and equal rights for all, is a very simple concept and not complicated by religion, belief, etc. I hear black folks use the very same argument for prop 8 that whites in the south used against integration. (not that integration did us a whole bunch of good but that's another tangent) If you are straight, you must not tolerate homophobia. You have to speak out against comments, jokes and pure ignorance toward Gays and Lesbians, ESPECIALLY when they aren't around when you could just as easily let it slide. Just think about the nicest white person you can imagine who is at least 50. They heard white people say nigger 50 thousand times in the 1950's and 1960's and they said NOTHING. I had a staff person last year (white guy) mention that his Dad remarked how a nigger is running for president. He didn's follow up at all with how appaled he was and how sternly he reprimanded his Dad for being racist. This is 2007.

Now about this Obama thing. Obama is only a small part of the overall effort toward liberation and make no mistake, he is definately for the liberation. What people need to realize is that NOONE expects white supremacy to "change" overnight, or even in 8 years.
Obama's goal was to get elected and be president for at least 8 years, his goal is NOT to liberate black people and usher in reparations. His goal is to alter politics and involve an unprescedented number of disenfranchised citizens in the democratic process. He achieved that. Now what remains to be seen is how blacks hold Obama accountable while continuing to support him.
I am not against healthy criticism of Obama because he is the president of the most racist and murderous country in the history of the planet. I get that. And for that very same reason, we have only 2 options. 1. Take up arms and completely overthrow the government and wipe out the whole structure and start over. or 2. Work with the current structure and system to "dismantle the masters house with the masters tools".
What I hear critics of Obama say loud and clear is that it's simply not possible. But consider this: There's no way in hell Obama would have beat the Clintons by seriously challenging the white supremacist status quo. Even Rev. Wright had no love lost. He was pissed but as a man of God, as a Marine, as a truly compassionate man, he summed it up when he said :Obama's a politician and that was a political speech. (his speech on race repudiating Wright)
So if we can't use the masters tools, then where the hell is strategy #1? It's nonexistant. In fact, critics offer no action steps. We can't think and debate and analyze all day. If you go to a country where recession and economic depression is the normal economy, they talk about action. Support Obama, build more progressive political action committees, establish 501c4 organizations that can participate in partisian political activities, establish a constant fundraising apparatus, establish a progressive base, train and dispatch lobbists to the City, County, State and Federal governments. Hold public hearings, build coalitions, involve artists meaningfully, build on the momentum of the election and have a delegation at the inaguration, be strategic, write your representatives, all of them, not just for inaguration tickets but for explanations for their stances and votes, start asking questions for pete sake!!!! how can we use the Obama situation to our advantage? How can we educate voters over the next 2 years for the next election? What is the ultimate goal? What does freedom look like? How do we involve prisoners? How do we introduce initiatives? Who is already on the team? Cynthia McKinney? Dennis Kucinich? Barbara Lee? Pete Stark? Who else? How do we support them? How do we get more progressive congresspersons in the house? Obama can't do squat alone. He will need a majority in the house and senate, not of democrats but democrats or republicans who are truly progressive. Let's look at why people are republican. Some of them would actually suprise you with their politics but because of their constituency, they are republican. Just like some democrats are the black communities worse enemy (Joe Lieberman). The black panther party was a political party. They fell short of their final goal, to influence the political system from inside. Lionel Wilson, the first black mayor of Oakland was the compromise from Bobby Seale like Obama was the compromise for Cynthia McKinney.

look alike or not quite

2008-11-17T22:25:00.000-08:00

I remember Paul Mooney remarking how he used to say the N word 50 times in the morning while brushing his teeth. That reminds me of what I am going through with Obama. I say Barak Obama out loud like I'm singing a rap song. It's like a Buddist chant. The magnitude didn't hit me right away. On election day, I didn't cry like Jesse Jackson. I was not jumping for joy in the streets. I didn't get religion around the whole thing like some folks did. Don't get me wrong, I was juiced, awed, and deeply moved, I just didn't express it quite as dynamically as some of my fellow black people. Besides, Elijah was calling from his bed (while we watched the speech in Grant Park on the internet) like, "Now will somebody read me a story?"
It really didn't "hit" me that a black man is about to be president until I got this weeks Jet and there it was. The first family and the headline "Yes We Did!" Then the full effect washed over me.
I know you are tired of hearing about the guy but I am forced to think about him for 2 reasons: Keisha and Jerome (not their real names), 2 students of mine. They started calling me Obama a few weeks ago. Now they call me Obama everytime they see me, and it's a small school. Keisha told me that I look like Obama and Kafi looks like Michelle. I stopped her before she said my sons look like Sasha and Malia. and Jerome calls me Obama and shakes my hand... everytime. This is a kid who barely said hi before the election Tuesday. But not all the students think that. "Mr. payne don't look like no damn Obama!" I laugh. It reminds me of a humbling experience last year when a student said "Mr. Payne, you look like Denzel Washington!" Another female student quickly exclaimed very loudly and annoyed "The hell he do!" She was personally offended.
I have been told before that I look like Obama. Kafi opposes such claims reassuring me that I am more hansome but since this guy is now the president of the free world, I am applying for a job. I want to be his decoy. You may say that's a dangerous job but I worked night time hyphy dance battles and video shoots in east oakland where fights broke out in the streets and guns were flashed. This was my JOB. I think riding in a bulletproof motorcade is a cakewalk. But alas, it could not happen. They wouldn't let TWO brothas in the white house would they?

Obama High vs. Hard times

2008-11-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

It's the new drug of choice for Americans, heck for folks worldwide. It rivals "fear". Thinking, talking and celebrating Obama has become a national pastime and obsession of everyone. People are high off Obama with no real signs of coming down. I went to the concert and Dwayne Wiggins got a lukewarm response from the crowd with his classic hits but when he started babbling "Obamaobamaobamaobama" out of nowhere, folks started roaring. People stood up, clapped and cheered. Never though I would live to see the day that the mere mention of a politicians name during a jazz concert would bring about jubilation.
Everyone is having such a love fest that I hate to remind folks that times is hard. My brother in law got carjacked last night at gunpoint for his car, keys, phone, everything. My cousin and his wife got cussed out by a lady cause her car was parked in front of their house for a month and they called it in. The lady was muttering something about "times is hard...".
There are a good number of youngsters who I work with who readily admit that the afternoon conversation while kickin it on the block with the homies, is whether they should go rob someone and who should they rob. I am talking about preteens.
Before we moved out of west Oakland, I came home to find someone rummaging in my house. They bolted through my front door (I came in through the garage) and down the street and when the cops showed up and asked me for a description, I shrugged and said, "Black male, around 6 feet, maybe 180 pounds. He basically looks like me. You think you can find him?" The joke was not lost on the cop and he just said "I'm sorry this happened" which was another way of saying "wait until he comes back to rob you again and get a better look next time."
Times are hard. Folks are literally living and breathing Hope as nourishment because they ain't got no corn flakes. For some of my students who don't eat breakfast most mornings, they are gobbling Obama hope for breakfast, lunch dinner and snack.
The real cold part of it is that the brotha inherited a situation that only Jesus would say "I got this". That's why I am convinced that Obama is out of his mind. I love the brotha but he just took the hardest job in show business. When the applause fades and and he has to actually perform, I Hope (pun intended) that folks don't forget that brotha man is a politician and above all else, he is in fact a mortal human being. The beauty of it all is the We in "Yes We Can". It's like a remix of "We The People". Folks can actually continue to organize and rally around change and we are going to have to because if we don't fix this mess, some hungry fool will fleece you in the street, in front of your house or in your living room for your change.

SWB: Shopping while black

2008-11-02T21:01:00.000-08:00

A while back I was shopping at my favorite drug store. They have everything. I sometimes go there for the smallest thing because I just like going to this store. You could say it's therapeudic. So you can imagine how I feel when I am getting some halloween candy for my staff at work and the security guard starts following me. Comical in the first split second, then sudden irritation. I'm a grown ass man. I pay taxes, all my taxes. I pay for parking. I paid all my school loans. Me and my wife pay for every damn thing me and my family consumes, enjoys, wears, and drives. But the drug store security don't know that. They only know that black people steal and I am clearly black so why take it personally? Now if you ring up a whole box of odwalla bars for 49 cents because you are new and don't catch that it's a box of 24 bars and you gotta multiply, well I didn't steal nothing, that's the price you gave me.
Anyway, this guy is not slick at all. I know how women can psychically tell when a man is staring at her butt because I have that same ability with store security stalking me, trying hella hard to not look directly at me but conspiciously staying in clear sight of me. Another dead giveaway is when they are straightening merchandise that doesn't need to be straightened. So in my fit of irritation, I decide to give the guy a taste of his own medicine. I start following him. It was as if I short circuited his brain by walking directly toward him because he started walking away like he was a thief and I was security. He looked back at me and I strided closer to him. He turned down an aisle. I turned down the aisle. When he finally caught himself, realizing he was being chased by a damn customer, a suspect at that, he stopped and looked up at me. I smiled this smug grin and nodded what's up to him. He nodded back. I pretended to hover around him a little longer, still watching him to make sure he wasn't going to steal some socks or something. Then I chuckled triumphantly and walked to the checkout to buy my shit, leaving security on aisle 8, straightening the scarves.

Park Drama

2008-10-29T22:03:00.001-07:00

Last week I took Elijah to our neighborhood park. It's kind of ghetto. Weed smell. Lightweight drug dealing. Your normal urban park scene. Nothing particularly dangerous. I am on the phone and Elijah is redistributing sand to his shoes and pockets when a brotha with his son approaches the structure. Then a sista, the mom, walks up visibly angry. An argument ensues. The poor little boy, around Elijahs age, is caught in the middle and cries out. Hella sad. Potential drama too, so I get up and get off the phone and so does the other dad who was on the phone (apparently the thing to do when watching you child play with dirt). Were both looking like "what should I do?Snatch my kid and bounce? Reason with the angry adults to not make a scene? Call the cops??? Then they calm down lightweight, but still drama is simmering. Me and the other dad, still stuck on stupid, decide the danger has subsided and sit back down cell phone in hand. Then the angry couple flairs up again, we stand up again, then they abruptly snatch up their kid and leave the park. Shortly after, I grab Elijah and we leave the park, never to return, at least for a while.
Fast forward to today, I am at the high end, rich people park in a secluded neighborhood. Clearly, not MY neighborhood. I can't say the name because I don't want the ghetto couple from my neighborhood park to go there. Anyway, this mom compliments my baby and says, "beautiful baby, blah blah blah, so you have 4 children?" I look her in the eye thinking "where the hell did you get the number 4?' but I actually say "no, just 2" (pointing at the baby I am holding and at Elijah 4 feet away playing with sand in the water fountain. The woman looks at me confused. Then she looks over at these 2 black girls about 7 years old and then back at me. Then it hits me: I am the only African/American adult at this park and therefore I MUST be the father of every African/American child in the park. Then a host of other realizations decend on me in an instant: Are they judging me by my lack of supervision of these 2 girls? (I ain't supervising them at all obviously because they ain't mine!), are they assuming that I don't know how to use birth control? Are they thinking that I have multiple baby mommas becasue of the wide range of skin complexion? (because of course they don't look anything like me or my sons) Dang, going to the park is complicated.
I tell Elijah it's time to go. Let's just go home and play with the dirt in the yard.

The next P-Diddy? The hell he is.

2008-10-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

I was taking my boys for a walk yesterday and we were singing "We be an African people". Elijah was getting into it and rocking his head when the brotha asking for change (nothing related to Obama) says: "look at him, he look like he ready to cut a (rap) album right now!"

Now on the surface this was obviously a compliment that my son is ready to produce a professional album at 4 years old and I accepted it with a gracious smile and obligatory head nod but I pray to God, Allah, and Buddah that my son doesn't grow up to be no rapper!

Damn it feels good to be broke!

2008-09-26T23:28:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my adult life, broke people are the most secure people in this economy. With a comfortable pot to piss in and not much else, I find this whole "financial crisis" comical. With over 100 murders, mostly black on black, in Oakland, the real danger and threat is someone popping a cap in my ass. High gas don't scare me. Frozen credit don't phaze me either. I live hand to mouth. Check come in, belly full, metro cut back on. Sure we got a little retirement saved up but by the time we can even start drawing early retirement, there will be affordable commercial space shuttle flights and a Tongan female president.
The working class has the social upper hand. You can't fall from the floor. These execs on wall street will face severe depression when they are forced to fly coach or can't afford the country club membership. Traffic accidents will increase in Manhattan as they start driving their own cars. Zoloft stock is probably going through the roof. I derive a sick pleasure from the financial meltdown even if it effects me directly. My bank failed yesterday and got taken over and bought up. I was more facinated than worried, like looking at a meteor shower. I am well under the $100,000 max that the Feds insure deposits up to. I'm broke and loving it.
Is it just me or does this bailout feel like blackmail from the banks? Or more like a stick up. "Gimme your money or I'll collapse! ..... and not be able to collect on loans that you defaulted on because you couldn't affort my increasing interest" ?????
Ummmm, I'll pass. Go ahead and collapse. Let human capital kick in and pull your own damn weight.

Snitches get Riches

2008-09-26T21:19:00.001-07:00

I hate the "snitches get stitches" slogan. It's redicilous and cowardly for the black community to let criminal and reckless elements in our community run unchecked and unaccountable in honor of some stupid code. We need to stand up to people who commit black on black crime and I have just the slogan to get people on board.

I am officially launching the "snitches get riches" campaign. You can get $5,000 - $25,000 from crimestoppers (510-238-6946) in Oakland for providing information that leads to the arrest of a gunman.

Instead of "stop snitching" t-shirts with the stop sign, I am designing "start snitching" shirts that have a traffic light on green.

What is most ignorant about the common community mantra of stop snitching is that the most revered 'gangstas' and street legends are snitches!
1. The American Gangsta Frank Lucas
2. The top ranking Notenos in California Prison
3. Nikki Barnes
4. 50 Cent
The list goes on...

There is just one problem with the successful implimentation of this campaign: Corrupt Cops. The only problem I have with snitching is that some cops are directly benefitting from the criminal activity through bribes and don't like it when their multiple streams of income get shut off at the spigot and they have to find a new faucet to tap. It's an inconvienience they don't take sitting down and far too often witnesses don't get the protection necessary to convict and they end up a victim as well.

The only way we can get rid of corrupt cops is through honest cops snitching on them. Therefore, internal affairs departments across the country need to offer the same deal for officers that provide infomation that lead to the arrest of crooked cops: CASH. The slogan for this auxillary campaign is "Clean cops get cash". Let's clean the precincts as well as the community and get this campaign off the ground!

Who's with me?

Refined tastes

2008-09-23T21:11:00.001-07:00

I was bathing my son Cameron this evening and I had a thought: Why are babies picky eaters when presented with freshly pureed organic fruits and vegetables yet they never pass up a chance to put a soapy wet washcloth in their mouth or suck on a dusty rock at the park? Hmmm.

Customer Disservice

2008-09-14T23:05:00.001-07:00

Why does it only take seconds to sign up for something but 20 minutes (on hold for 15 of them) to cancel?

We got the NY Times but quickly got fed up with their racist slant. Their obit on Bernie Mack was offensive as well as numerous articles with a not so subtle conservative tint. One other observation: Why do all the pictures of Afganistan, Iraq, and Palestinian victims of violence have the caption "Afgan woman or Palestinian boy"? Meanwhile, every single picture of an Israeli victim will have their first and last name and usually show a picture of a grieving family member too.

Anyway, I call the "help desk" (a misnomer by all accounts) and cancel my monday - friday subscription immediately.
The woman asks: "For what reason are you canceling your subscription?"
I reply: "Because the paper is racist. All the articles, racist in tone, slant and context. I don't want any part of it let alone PAY for it."
The woman then says: "Would you like to just get the Sunday edition?"

Pause

(Did she really just ask that?)

I reply: "I said the paper is racist. I don't want to read it on the weekend, during the week, on holidays, in a box with a fox, eating green eggs and ham."
The woman replys (after putting me on hold): "very well, your subscription will end September 11."
My reply (in my head because verbally I might use a curse word): "Today is September 9th. Since when does "immediately" take 48 hours? Whatever. RIP Bernie!"

The best jobs in the world

2008-09-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

As the anticipation builds for the 2008 general election, my thoughts have taken a turn from the Obama/McCain incessant banter. I am thinking about all the other leaders of the world and who has the best job. I mean, president of the United States of America sounds real nice and important, especially with the commonly used title "leader of the free world". We all assume, what could possibly be a better job than that? Well I'll tell you. The job has a lot of drawbacks. I'm not just talking about the complete and total loss of privacy and constant threat of being assasinated. I am talking about some more practical drawbacks like having to answer to 300,000,000 people. That's a lot of critics. Too many people to please or piss off if you ask me. Too many people to be responsible for and too little resources to do it! The federal budget is chump change compared to the social and structural problems in America and what it would take to fix them all. Broken health care, soaring unemployment, worthless public education system, growing poverty, it's a sinking ship. Therefore I have been thinking about who has a better job and why and this is what I came up with:

3. The Amir of Qatar, Shaikh Hamad Bin Khalifa Al-Thani. He's not the leader of the free world, he's the leader of a country that is less than 12,000 square kilometers with a population of less that 1,000,000 and the countries natural resources (oil) produces a solid 800,000 barrels a DAY. You do the math. Those billions provide free health care, state of the art schools, the worlds most beautiful parks and museums and the richest middle class in the world. Drawbacks: Strict religious rule. Minor detail. So it's not the most democratic state in the world. Can't have it all.

2. President of Georgia, Mikheil Saakashvili. Again , president of a very small country with relatively few people and yet buddy buddy with Washington elite and poised to get 1,000,000,000 (1 billion) in aid from the U.S. (tax free, interest free gift, no loan) AND they have a pipeline. However the best thing abou that job is the country apparently has a 100% literacy rate, the best in the world. Because you are reading this blog, I assume that it is obvious why this is a good thing. Drawback: Russia has 50 nuclear warheads pointed at his house from about 3 football fields away. Sounds a lot worse than it really is.

1. And lastly, the best job in the world is..... drum roll........ vice president of the united states! You still get a limo, a jet, and the best retirement ever. Sure you can try to actually be president and get in all kinds of trouble like Cheney but if you just kick back and enjoy all those state dinners and diplomatic trips, it's a wonderful ride! You get all the prestige and none of the real responsibility. There's no real job description. You are waiting for someone who has the best security in the world and the best health care plan in the world to die. In the meantime, you get to kick it just like the president of the U.S. but without the burden of making the decisions that will piss millions of people off... every day. Sweet deal! Seriously, you ever notice that Biden and Palin smile a lot more than Obama and McCain? They are smiling thinking; "I still don't really know what the hell a VP does but I love this job already!"

Language

2008-08-23T23:20:00.000-07:00

Kafi's friend from college and sorority sister from the east coast/south came to town to visit and on our way to the get something to eat her first day, we were stopped at the light and she said "Why do I not hear the engine?" We explained that we have a hybrid and that the engine shuts off at red lights. She exclaimed "That's so California! I love it!" That inspired this blog entry, the difference between the Bay Area and Wall Street.

Diversity
Bay Area it means having black people on staff

Wall Street it means a stock portfolio with mid cap and large cap companies and moderate to aggressive funds

Agreement
Bay Area it means a ground rule for a workshop like "no put downs", etc.

Wall Street it means 14 pages of policies and procedures detailing your brokerage firms feduciary relationship with your account

Illegal Trade
Bay Area it means selling weed.... and you might get a ticket

Wall Street it means selling stock.... and you might go to jail

COOP
Bay Area it means a housing commune next to the University

Wall Street it means an extremely expensive building that even very rich people get turned down to buy into

Rally
Bay Area it means a protest, usually a war or something

Wall Street it means a Bull run of stocks prices going up

Equity
Bay Area it means black and brown people having access to resources typically reserved for whites

Wall Street it means the value of a house above what you paid for it

Green
Bay Area it means redwoods, oceans, animals, and sustainable business practices that reduce or zero out the carbon imprint.

Wall Street it means cold hard cash

Reparations

2008-08-15T13:50:00.001-07:00

I was reading in the latest Jet and it mentioned that Congress just passed an official apology for slavery. This is great news on 2 fronts. 1. Because slavery was bad, Reconstruction failed miserably, and Jim Crow took us backwards, taking a century to recover. 2. Because an official apology is a legal admission of "guilt", the first step in establishing a legal basis for suing the U.S. Government for reparations for Black people.

I am all for it. People nowadays say all kind of wishy washy stuff like, "reparations should take the form of education, health care, jobs, mental health, etc. etc. blah, blah, blah. I whole heartedly disagree. I want a check. You can call it a reparations stimulus check. Why not? Japanese people got a check. Native Americans got casinos TAX FREE!! Black people need a check. Sure, do all that other stuff too, but cut the check.

Some people say, "Oh, Black people don't need no check, they will just spend it on Newports and rims and gamble the rest away" as Dave Chappelle so vividly protrayed in one of his famous skits. But I have an answer to that too. Make the checks like WIC checks. You can't spend them on alcohol, rims, tobacco, real sugary cereal, etc. My message to those of you against the whole idea (most white people): Why fight it? This will eliminate Black peoples right to complain ever again. Think about it, your response to everything can be "But we apologized and gave you reparations, what more do you want?" Plus, I will let you in on a little secret: The government can afford it so you got nothing to lose. (except the value of the dollar tanking but let's not get all into those details) The mint prints the money. They did it for the Iraq and Afgan wars and they were NOT appreciated. If you do this for Blacks, you can legitimately be free of the guilt of slavery and still not lose one iota of white privilege. Think about it.

'Divorce Vows' Part 2

2008-08-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

Not long ago my wife Kafi reiterated our sacred divorce vows, http://familylife-oakland.blogspot.com/2008/07/divorce-vows.html drafted in our first few years of marriage. In the unlikely event of our matrimonial seperation, I would basically get to keep about 20% of my income (the rest going to child support, alimony, car payments, facials, etc.) and my bike. This is actually a great deal considering gas prices. And although I am not as rich as Russell Simmons gardner, I like what he said about his settlement with Kimora when they seperated and he agreed to pay something like $20,000... per month...... per child. He said (I am paraphrasing) 'my children live a great life and my wife coordinates that and I am happy to provide for that'. Great attitude Russell. That's how I feel. If I get $375 take home after all my payments, I am more than happy to live off of top ramen in a studio, knowing that my children are being provided for properly. That is how committed a father and husband (or ex-husband in this case) I am.
I do have one amendment to the vows. I want to include my stand up pump and helmet to the settlement. Safety first.

Talking up Obama

2008-08-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

Although I am enthusiastically voting for Barack Obama this November and his candidacy is truly groundbreaking for this country, I have noticed that in almost every conversation I have with people, no matter where and no matter with whom, Barack Obama is mentioned. Don't get me wrong. I like the guy and half the time I am the one to interject him into the conversation, but I started to notice how he is mentioned even if the conversation has nothing to do with the presidential race, black people, or racism (the main 3 cross referenced topics according to relevance).

I could be at Trader Joes asking about juice and someone would say, "but ever since Obama is running for president, maybe you should get the tangerine juice." or I see someone I haven't seen in a year and they say, "How are you doing? How's your family? Oh you had another baby? That's great because the Obama rally is tomorrow. Peace out." What is this phenomena? Is it just me and the people I come in contact with or does this happen nationwide? Good or bad, people are talking constantly about the guy.

True story: I was looking at these baby t-shirts at the Alameda fair. White guy (collecting signatures for something) walks up and asks me if I am a registered voter in Alameda. I say "No". He looks at me and says, "Oh, you're looking at those Barack Obama t-shirts? cool huh?" With this grin on his face. I say "No, I am not. I am looking at the 'I'm 4 years old, what's your excuse' t-shirts because I have a 4 year old." He looks at me like not only am I lying but I must be a traitor to the Black people for not exaulting Obama at every possible opportunity.
Another thing I noticed: Obama t-shirts are fast replacing funeral t-shirts or Tupac t-shirts in popularity.
I have seen over 285 different Obama t-shirt designs with catchy slogans. You have seen them: "This momma loves Obama", or "Barack the Vote" or my favorite "Donate a dollar, and he'll make change, vote Obama" (Okay, I made that last one up and am trying to sell it to his campaign but they won't return my phone calls.) Seriously, I know a few folks selling the shirts.... exclusively, like that's their new job.

Today I saw an old black man holding a concealed tall can of something (It quite possibly could have been an Arizona Iced Tea beverage but I couldn't tell) and he was in front of the corner store sporting his Obama t-shirt. (Be there with me: This was a scene where the brotha would have normally been wearing a R-Kelly or Michael Jordan shirt with the diamonds on it) Folks who have never been politically active and still may not be politically active are wearing his t-shirt and talking him up every chance they can get. (or don't get)

Then I noticed that as a parent, all I do, especially when I am with my wife is talk about my sons. The Nations obsession with talking about Obama is very similar to how proud parents are obsessed with talking about their children. If you want to have a long conversation with me, ask me about Elijah and how we plan to homeschool him. You will get a 20 minute opening from me just for starters. And just like America is with Obama, the topic of conversation can be anything in the world and I will find a way to bring it back to my child.

So with that realization I have made peace that win or lose, Obama and his t-shirts are here to stay.

'White Liberal Blind Spot' part 2

2008-08-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

This is what I am talking about. He sees NOTHING wrong with telling his student "Sit down nigga!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XURRzofbMc0

White Power!

2008-08-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

The other day I saw an article where Bill Clinton proclaimed that he was not a racist. (reminicent of Nixon saying "I am not a crook" right before he resigned as President) I said to myself "Of course Bill Clinton is not racist, he's a white supremacist."

This prompted me to dialogue with my wife a bit about how obvious white supremacy is to most black people and how blind white folks are to it. I was remarking how some liberal, 'my best friend is black, I DATE black men/women, I love jazz AND smoke weed' white folks have what I coined as the 'white liberal blind spot'. This is where they have shifted their conscious lens to shun overtly racist notions about black folks to extremely subtle racist assumptions and notions that are so benign and politically correct that it cannot be called racist without having white people fall out and have a fit.

So I stay away from the term 'racist'. It's too loaded and emotionally charged for white people and black people. White supremacist is much more accurate and prescriptive. Take for example the brutal murder of Emmett Till. The white people in Mississippi where Emmett was killed, rejected the notion that the state was racist. They even criticized the murderers as white trash and ignorant crackers. BUT if you asked them did they think whites were superior to blacks they would have said "well, of course whites are better than nigrahs. It says it in the biba (bible)...." Even today, liberal presidential candidate Ralph Nader said that Obama was 'talking white'. Can you say 'white liberal blindspot'?.

So you see, racist is a term that just won't do. It's counterproductive and only invokes a fierce defensiveness on the part of white folks "Me a racist?! Just because I am white?! That's racist!!"(white liberal blind spot) and an apocalyptic frustration among blacks "Why do I even try, white folks are hopeless, that's why I hate white people, etc...". Plus it's too vague and gets thrown around too much. What exactly is racism and who can be racist, etc. etc. Then there's the institutional racism, individual racism, environmental racism, etc. It's just all too much. Everything is racist but nobody can be pinpointed as exhibiting racism. It's just not effective for black people to use the term anymore.

The term white supremacy is tangible and rooted in an exact definition with clear cut indicators. In fact, I have created a diagnostic questionnaire for white people to see if they are white supremacist or not. It goes like this:

You are a white supremacist if:

1. You have ever used the term 'pulling the race card'

2. You are always explaining things to black people... and they haven't asked you

3. Your response to anything a black person ever says is "yeah, yeah I know"

4. You feel that pro-black is automatically anti-white

5. You consider a suicide bombing terrorism but not slavery or the extermination of the Native Americans

6. You assume every black person you meet is voting for Barack Obama (we are, but that is still racist, I mean white supremacist)

7. You say that you are 'colorblind' or that you don't see color (except of course when you are choosing who to sit next to on the Train or Bus)

8. You think black people are overly sensitive about race

9. You think affirmative action is no longer needed

10. You think most drug dealers are black

11. You think black people need your help

12. You love Michael Jordan but hate Tiger Woods or the Williams sisters

13. You think Larry Bird was better than Magic Johnson

14. You still think Elvis invented Rock and Roll

15. You see a problem with black people voting for Obama because he is black but never questioned white people NOT voting for Obama because he is black (say it with me: 'white liberal blind spot')

16. You close your eyes and think of a scientist and a white person pops in your head

17. You hear about a robbery or shooting and assume it is a black person

18. You were voting for Hillary and now you are voting for McCain

19. If you have to say 'I am not a racist'

The main problem with white supremacy as a term is that it is too long. Racist is short and has a nice ring to it. So I am putting out a call for suggestions on how to shorten, abbreviate or substitute the term white supremacy if it's possible. Otherwise, I am afraid it will never catch on. In this age of abbreviations like WaMu, FedEx, WiFi, B of A, and Bradgelina, a full term just won't hold. So, I came up with some potential terms with a range of appeal:

1. WiSu (corporate appreviation)

2. WS (standard initial abbreviation)

3. Patriotism (metaphorical term)

4. W>B (mathematical term)

5. A White Supreme (Jazz term)

6. White Rules (reality TV term)

7. White Power! (parody term)

So think about it and get back to me with your suggestions. We will vote on it in November.

Flossin'

2008-08-01T23:07:00.001-07:00

Since my children have been born I have been to the doctor and dentist dozens of times but only a few times for myself. My wonderful wife went to the dentist a few weeks ago and convieniently scheduled me for a cleaning and check up. When my appointment was a week away I suddenly realized: Every year for as long as I can remember, when I go to the dentist, the hygenist asks the 2 simple questions: How often do you brush? and how often do you floss? Well, I brush my teeth dutifully every day but flossin'? I'm sorry, I just don't floss. Don't get me wrong. I like the idea. I understand the importance of it. I have a box of floss in my glove compartment, all over the house. I just don't floss. So when they ask me that question I usually say, "every now and then" They reply with more precise interrogation techniques asking me "how many times a week?" I reply with the "sometimes... sometimes a couple times a month" (this is a lie because it's less than that). When it's clear that I simply don't floss, they start in with the speech: "blah blah blah, you'll get gum disease, blah blah blah, your teeth will fall out, blah blah blah". This effectively shames me but does absolutely nothing to alter my behavior.

So, I resolve that I will floss my teeth every day for a week so that they won't even ask the question and if they do I can say in all honesty "I flossed every day this week..." However, 6 days go by and I didn't floss not one time. Then I decide something for the first time in my life. I decide I am going to stand up to my hygenist. I start preparing a speech in my head "You know, I'm 34 years old. I take care of my family. I am a faithful and devoted husband and father. I just don't floss. Some black men don't wear condoms. Some people never wear seatbelts. Some people drink malt liquor. I don't floss. If I can live with it, then dammit, you should take your copay and put some mint on the tooth buffer, clean my teeth like I am paying you to do and keep the guilt speech to yourself. When I get gingivitis, then maybe I'll start flossing. Until then, it ain't broke so I ain't trying to fix nothing.

When I went to the dentist today, my hygenist actually didn't ask the questions! She cleaned my teeth and never said a word. Could I really be grown now? No more interrogation? No more guilt trip? Yeah, I'm a grown ass man and I don't floss.

Stevie Wonderful

2008-07-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

If you know anything about old school music, classic soul, the African-American experience, you know about Stevie Wonder. He is a genius of a man, a musical God walking and breathing among us. His music spans 5 decades and counting and covers the range of human emotion and creativity. If aliens were trying to learn about planet Earth and humanity, a Stevie Wonder song would be the most appropriate soundtrack to any narrative.
I am not a concert goer but when asked the question: who would you want to go see in concert? I bypassed the standard guy answer of Beyonce, or Janet, or the under 30 answer: Jay Z or Mary J. All of these artist I am told have fantastic stage shows and are worth every penny. But I was thinking about my favorite musician alive, Stevie Wonder.
So when my wife called me 2 months ago asking if I wanted to go to a Setvie Wonder concert I never questioned the price, I said we have to be there. The anticipation built to a creshendo until one night a week before the concert Kafi exclaimed "Oh no! I scheduled my Spanish class the same night as the concert!" Damn. There was a full hour of silent denial. She can move the class to an earlier time that day, we can arrive late, we can change the tickets to another day... but none of those options would work.
I woke up the next day resolved that this class was more important. My wife is the best Spanish teacher in Oakland. She can teach 120 McClymonds students spanish and have them actually speaking spanish in the community with gold teeth and everything, to the shock of native speakers. So when Kafi launched her website and business of http://www.learntospeakspanish.org/ and printed 1000 flyers and sent me out to flyer cars in parking lots and hand out flyers to people on the street, I realized this that this class that had 12 families scheduled to learn from the Master Teacher, my baby, that this was a huge step in the development of her business, our business.
There was no question. I had to make the biggest sacrafice of my over 30 life willingly, eagerly and without any reservation. Support my wife. After all, it was her idea to hake ME happy and buy the tickets. She had tried a year earlier but the tickets sold out in hours and were reselling for $500.
We sold the tickets on craigslist at cost (to a brotha who was going to suprise his girlfriend, our service to humanity and a positive greasing of our karmic wheel). In the end we made hundreds of dollars in one hour of teaching instead of spending hundreds of dollars on a concert. This resonated in every fiber of my being as the right thing. It was our destiny. Not just as a contribution to our household, but to our dream of having our own businesses doing what we love and getting adequately compensated for it.
It was only the next day when I saw several facebook friends proclaiming how their hearts and minds were still riveted by Stevies spirit and performance. In a flash, I was jealous of the people I consider my friends and felt that they were rubbing it in. Why would they flaunt and gloat like that? Don't they know I had tickets to that concert too! They are not special, I am!
When I regained my senses, I was happy for them. Of course they enjoyed themselves.
I still felt solid and sure that fate brought this circumstance to me and Kafi to make the difficult choice and to make it with all certainty. I realized that my support and devotion to my wonderful partner is exactly what Stevie sings about. The love and support we constantly provide each other is exactly what Stevie is urging and rejoicing in humanity itself. Stevie Wonder would have personally urged us to stay home and do that workshop knowing that his music is still a motivating factor in our lives.
Then I remembered a good friend of mine, who has a beautiful voice, had an opportunity to record with Stevie Wonder or go to Princeton 30 years ago. She couldn't do both, she could only do one or the other. Stevie Wonder told my friend to go to school. (true story) My friend went on to start a charter school in west Oakland and touch many lives in such a profound way, in a Stevie Wonder way.
Then I remembered when my father took me to a Stevie Wonder concert for my 8th birthday. It was at the Oakland coliseum in 1981. It was when he first made the song "Happy Birthday" for Martin Luther King Jr. I get the chills remembering that concert, that song. My step mom told me before I went to the concert: "Ask him to sing happy birthday. He'll sing it just for you." I felt like the most special boy in the world.
That night John Lennon was shot and killed. Stevie got the news while on stage. He announced the news and stopped the concert. He left the stage and we waited for 15 minutes or so in shock. He came back and told us that he thought about cancelling the rest of the show because Lennon was a very good close friend of his and he was visibly shaken up but that John would not have wanted him to end the show. And so he continued to play his humanity, his heart out. Stevie Wonder is more than an inspiration, he is an integral part of my life and my wonderful partnership.
When Kafi and I got married, we had selected a song to be a first song. The day of our wedding, that song was not available, a last minute casuality of a detail in an otherwise perfect event. By default, we decided together that the first song we would dance to as husband and wife would be "Ribbon In The Sky" by Stevie Wonder and it was the perfect song and theme for our ceremony, our wedding, and our life.

Cousin Kev

2008-03-28T20:47:00.001-07:00

Those of you who listen to the radio in the Bay Area know who I am talking about. He does this show "Battle of the Ages" and he pitts over 30 contestants with under 30 contestants. Well, I used to listen to this show years ago when I was under 30 and relate more with the youngsters especially since I work with youth. But sure enough when I turned 29 then 30 things started to change for me. Suddenly I can't tolerate radio hip hop. I hate it. It is jarring to my ears. I would rather listen to soul and R&B music which I used to only tolerate. A year later, I can't listen to rap music at all. I barely tolerate the R&B and I listen exclusively to Jazz and Classical music. My wife calls me her old man.
Needless to say the "battle of the ages" show has me dying laughing at the under 30 contestants who confess to having tatoos, living at home with mom and dad, having large plastic cups in the cabinet, having rims on their car, wearing throwback jerseys and baggy pants, and eating fruit loops for breakfast, lunch AND dinner. They show up late for work on a regular basis. They admit to leaving the milk out or owing their parents money. The under 30 contestants admit to having "hoochie" clothes or "rapper" outfits. Gold jewlery, piercings (not in the ears), and wearing flip flops or house robes outside. The under 30 contestants are shameless. What is even more interesting is they fit the bill of a few PARENTS of the youth I work with. Go figure that one out.
I grew up squarely in the hip hop age and grew out of it and yet there are adults who were born BEFORE me and they are still giving pounds and saying "what's up dog", or "you got it pimp" or my favorite, "what up boss". These adults have actually reverted to the dominant mainstream hip hop culture and lifestyle.
These kids come on the show and don't know Smokey Robinson or Roberta Flack. They don't know the Commodores or Stevie Wonder.
Vice versa, the over 30 contestants get tripped up on what the latest slang means or what the latest Chris Brown song is.
It is a classic battle and it is the basis of this blog.
I am sharing my experiences and reflections as an over 30 contestant in life and wondering if any of this sounds familiar to anybody else.

Don't get me wrong. There are a few hundred rap songs, mostly made between 1989 - 1994 that I will always get down to. In fact, NWA, Public Enemy, Too Short, E-40, Tribe, even a couple MC Hammer songs I will never abandon. But the fact remains, I would rather listen to Ornette Coleman break it down.