"The Kobe Special"

Tiger Woods. Let's see, where do I begin? I was the first one to be gullible enough to believe that his wife valiantly tried to rescue her husband (who is reportedly a Billionaire) from imminent danger while trapped inside a wrecked car... with a golf club. Kind of ironic but hey, the man does play a lot of golf!

But now it appears that Tiger Woods has just provided reason number 3487 for not cheating on your wife. God knows I am not claiming to be perfect and not one to throw stones, but cheating is one thing that clearly brings unwanted consequences, ESPECIALLY when you are one of the most famous people on the planet. Google famous affairs of black Americans (Bill Cosby, Jesse Jackson, Kobe Bryant, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Shaq, etc.)

Woods reportedly said he needs a "Kobe special" which means a "house on a finger". Kobe's wife faithfully (pun intended) wears her "house" everyday but at a 4.5 million pricetag, it's more like a "neighborhood on a finger". With very little savy, I could easily snap up a whole city block in Oakland for that much money.

According to Tiger, his Norwegian blonde wife reportedly "went ghetto" on him. Hmmm, I wonder what Tiger visualized when he said the word "ghetto" and why he never thought his European wife would go there? Could race and class have anything to do with it?

I wonder if Tiger Woods, the only person on planet earth who says he is Not black will claim blackness when the conservative media gets through with this. I wonder if he will feel the scathing glow of racism and bias against a black man accused of making a mistake.

The media will have a "field" day but will Tiger remain in the "house"?

I wonder if he will have the same "awakening" as OJ Simpson did? Harry Edwards told a story about how during the black athlete boycott in 1968, OJ was approached and asked to support his brothers and sisters and join the "black boycott" while he played at USC and he reportedly replied "I'm not black, I'm OJ!"

Tiger's now famous declaration that he is cablaisian (white, black and asian) is laughable, but default treatment as "black" because that is how the world perceives you is not. It seems with Tigers referenced connection to Kobe and his reference to his "ghetto" wife, that he is getting blacker by the minute. I hope Tiger stops by the psychiatrist on his way to Zales because he has a lot to sort out.

Public courtesy?

It's dinner at the local ice creamery. I take Elijah to the bathroom. He goes in the stall and proceeds to get about 20% in the actual bowl. Then he does something I have NEVER seen him do before. He takes some toilet paper and starts to wipe down the toilet seat that he didn't bother to lift up before he christened it. I am stuck. Then this warn feeling comes over me: The lectures about responsibility are finally working! I am proud. With a big smile, I ask Elijah: "Son, you wiped the toilet seat! You do that at home?" He flatly says "no". (smile fades) I am stuck again but this time confusion washes over me. "You mean you clean the public toilet but leave your own toilet a mess??" "Umm, (giggle) yeah." WTF??

Afrocentric tooth fairy

So Elijah is eating a snack Sunday afternoon and screams out. This is not a rare occurance so I casually inquire "What seems to be the problem son?", "My tooth is loose! Baaaaa!" I check it out and indeed his tooth is loose. I then wonder if he should be losing his tooth by now and consult my online doctor: Yahoo! questions. It's confirmed that kids can generally begin losing teeth between 4 and 6 years old. So I calm him down by trying to get him excited about all the benefits of losing a tooth. I tell him he will get a treat. then he replies "From the tooth fairy?" *pause* Think quick, I wasn't prepared to confirm or deny a mythical character like the tooth fairy. We killed the Santa Claus myth years ago, but the tooth fairy? We missed that one. Well, if I tell him there is no tooth fairy, it's irreversible but if I confirm it I can decide to kill the myth later or substitute it for a more culturally appropriate one. "Yes, the tooth fairy will come!" (I just bought myself some time) "And bring me a shiny new dime?!" "Yup, super shiny!"

So the next day, mommy get's some cotton and yanks it out, no screams and no tears. Meanwhile, I am looking for an afrocentric tooth fairy on google of course and I find it. Children put their tooth under a gourd and the African tooth fairy exchanges the tooth for 2 chickens... (That's live chickens) *pause* Ok, so the ritual needs a little modification so I go search for a shiny dime and wait for Elijah to fall asleep.

The next morning, he is as happy as can be with his dime. Then he asks "How did the tooth fairy get in the house?", "I don't know." Then he says, "She probably broke the window and came in the house. Oh, I know, let's go find the broken window!"

inappropriate language

I am talking to Kafi the other day and I use the word, "inappropriate". Something like, "oh no, that picture looks inappropriate..." Elijah records it to memory and proceeds to use it every chance he gets. "Elijah go get dressed for bed", "Awwww, mannn, that's inappropriate!" No Elijah, that's not the correct usage of the word but I commend you for trying, now get dressed.

Seeing the world anew

Elijah has started reading. After a month of nightly lessons with his mother, Elijah is reading everything he can look at. After he reads stuff he asks questions like "Why is that called Taco Bell?" me: "Because they sell tacos." him: "But why is it called taco BELL?" me: "Gee, I don't know." Now of course I know: It was started by an ex-marine named Glen Bell who opened his first 'Taco Bell' in 1962. At least according to wikipedia.

A new reader sees the world anew. He is always asking "what does that mean?", "Why did they put that there?" etc. and 9 times out of 10 it is simply bringing to my attention how much I don't know, just like graduate school and my wife.