Legendary Encounter: True Story!

Walking with my sons in a stroller one day, I see this brotha across the street staring at me. He looks just like Paul Mooney, the comedian and former writer for Richard Pryor. Paul does very serious, very funny commentary on white racism, black foolishness and everything inbetween so I was truly amazed to realize that it was indeed THE Paul Mooney wearing a crazy get up walking toward me with a grin, holding a cigarette proclaiming "Hey, I know what you like to do!" Presumably he was insinuating that I like to have sex a lot because I have 2 children but I am quick to point out to people who make that assumption that it only proves that I enjoyed myself twice in the last 5 years for approximately 5 - 12 minutes each time. I ain't saying I even know exactly how long it took or that those are the only times I had relations but I'm just making a point: Kids don't equal oversexed black man, a stereotype brothas usually revel in whether the assumption is true or false. But all of this would be lost on the legendary Paul Mooney, making a punch line out of my late afternoon stroll with my kids. I realize instantly that he doesn't perform for an audience, he amuses himself, everywhere he goes. The world is his entertainment. Such is the life of a black comedian. When we are not angry, we think shit is hella funny and will revel in the humor of a situation as long as possible.

Sporting this grin, Paul Mooney walks right up to me to shake my hand. I greet him like I know him "Hey Paul, how you doing!" We share pleasantries and continue on our separate journeys, and I think to myself, 'no ones going to believe this!'

Fatherhood flashes

I used the bathroom today and my son Elijah ran into the bathroom to use it after me. He did his business and promptly ran out of the bathroom. I yelled to him "Hey, you not going to flush?" and without breaking stride, in a whimsical tone he said "No". Needless to say I made him come back and flush (and wash his hands) but just goes to show that retorical questions don't always work with 4 year olds.
The other day I went to the market to get some stuff. I had my boys with me. I am leaving and see a brotha in the parking lot selling Obama t-shirts. I make a comment, he makes a pitch "got all sizes, just $10, etc." Then the shopping cart that I am pushing my sons in suddenly stops. Apparently they have an invisible boundary a few feet from the store and if you cross it the wheels lock and the cart stops right in it's tracks. I am scooping Cameron and the brotha doesn't miss a beat and grabs Elijah up out of the cart. I had several silent reactions in a split second.
1. I got this bruh, no need to invade my invisible family bubble. Personal space, personal space!
2. Thanks bro, it takes a village to raise a child, each one teach one, Umoja! Good looking out.
3. But dude, I DON"T KNOW YOU. Why are you so quick to grab my son, not cool.
4. He's setting him down gently, Elijahs not freaked out, that was helpful, okay, thanks man.
5. I hope he don't think I am going to buy his t-shirt.

Then finally I say out loud, "Thanks man, take it easy, aright"

Can we all get along? Hell naw!

With the tragic killing of Oscar Grant in Oakland by a BART police, young people took to the streets and raised hell. There were demonstrations, many of them organized, coordinated, and peaceful. And some of them was just raising hell. Breaking windows, burning cars, confronting police, etc. The family pleads for peace and says "Oscar would not have wanted people (rioting) in the streets, etc..." It was reminicient of the Rodney King "Can we all just get along" plea during the LA riots.
Well, for the record, if I get shot in the back while unarmed, face down by a cop, I want lots of rioting. Property damage is unfortunate for those business owners and car owners who got caught in the riot but it doesn't compare to the loss of life and a statement has to be made.

I know this ain't the politically correct thing for an over 30 person who pays all his taxes to say but fuck that. People can't do the silent protest thing when the Mayor hadn't said nothing and the district attorney wasn't talking about an investigation or nothing. Now, after the riots, you have the Mayor talking all day and night about it, demanding an independent police investigation and the district attorney promising an investigation. I don't think speaker cards at the City council meeting would have gotten the same attention and traction a good old fashioned riot brings. So if I get done wrong, I'ma need ya'll to raise some hell!

Racial Debate?

There seems to be some debate about whether Barack Obama is black. Atrticles are being written and debates are happening around: How black is he? He's really mixed and what does that mean? He's not really African-American because his dad is African and his mom is white? and so on and so forth.

Funny how this was super clear to white people for over 400 years. Even if the white slave master fathered a child with a black woman, it was crystal clear: That child is a negro and a slave and is going to work without pay for the rest of their life. Period.

But we don't have to go that far back in history: It was clear that WEB Dubois was black. It was clear that Thurgood Marshall was black. It was clear that all those lightskinned, mixed Tuskeegee airmen were black when they were given syphlis. There was no debate that Colin Powell who is solidly Jamaican, is black. Even Tiger Woods explicit declaration that he does NOT identify himself as African-American or Black is ignored by whites and blacks alike and assigned to the black race. So why is it all of a sudden a debate about Barack being black when he has explicitly declared that he is African-American? Say it with me: White supremacy!

People are arguing that he is half white which is not particularly creative, but how many mixed black people enjoy their half of white privilege? Do they get half of the oppression for being only half black? It's redicilous when you think about it.

Racism ideology is fighting for it's life! Racism as an institution is alive and well and thriving, simply according to the present day disparities in living conditions and treatment in the current society. But this racism began with a thought, a notion, that whites were better than blacks or anybody not white and the idea of a black man as president of the united states, flys in the face of this original notion, and the white supremacist must find a way to resolve this profound cognitive dissonance. This debate has absolutely nothing to do with the complexities of race and everything to do with the fact that a black man has become the most powerful man on the planet.

So whenever you hear the debate taking place, or see an article about it, see it for what it is; someone only using half their brain. Not the white half or the black half but the racist half.

No cheap thrill!

I recently got some condoms (cause I already have 2 kids) and my wife calculated, based on price per jimmy, That it costs me 58 cents per jam session. She remarked how cheap it was to get down. I corrected her and calculated, based on my cumulative salary over 8 years of marriage + 5 grand I put down on the wedding + 1 grand I sent her while we were dating and it came out to over half a million dollars. After taxes, that's roughly $355,000 to "make magic" with my lovely wife. I said: "Baby, you ain't no cheap thrill!" and she said: "And you ain't nearly done paying either!" Ahhh, love and marriage at it's finest.

Parable of the Wallet

I had this black wallet I got a few years ago. It was perfect. I used it everyday. Until my credit cards started falling out of the sleeves. It was falling apart. I went to the store and got a brand new brown wallet. Shiny velvet lining, fancy. And cheap too! I liked my new wallet very much. Until my credit cards started falling out of it after several months. Then I tucked all my cards into the inside pocket of the wallet. Then the lining ripped and it was fast falling apart. What happened to my new wallet?
Then one day, looking for a business card, I saw my old wallet. I took out all the old receipts and cards I don't use and looked at it. No rips. It was nice and flat. I took all my cards out of my new wallet and put them in the inside pocket of my old wallet and it worked like a charm. It was sturdier and held my cards tight in the pocket with no signs of ripping or falling apart. My old wallet was perfect all along. I rejoice in simple pleasures like this. It don't take much. So I told my wife the story of the 2 wallets and she nodded slowly and said to me: "(your story about your wallets) is like me. Just in case you think you want someone else, think again because that new chick will fall apart and you'll be more worse off than ever."
Oh, the wisdom...

Capitalize at the Capitol!

Well, I still ain't heard back from the transition team about a job offer but I'm sure they are just real busy and will get to my application but in the meantime I got a great idea! When I realized:
1. That every black person in America is going to be in DC January 20th for the inaguration
2. It will be cold as hell
3. Obama paraphenelia is only getting more popular and diverse
Sooooo......
I'll make tons of money selling Obama gloves, beenies, scarves, sweatshirts and blankets on the mall! There will be at least 20 million people there and they will be cold and utterly unprepared for DC weather but even if they are, they will shed their Gap hoodie in a second to don the Obama: "Commander-In-Chief", diamond studded military style beenie and matching sweatshirt. Oh, I got dozens of ideas and I ain't even worried about putting it out there for other people to steal the idea because I can't possibly fill the demand by myself. Trust me, I was at the Million Man March and there were thousands of vendors and peddlers.... besides, at events like this, people always buy crap they really don't need or ever even use (Million Man March cooking apron? or framed velvet collage of Minister Farrakhan superimposed on the capitol dome) So just imagine the demand for something that will serve an immediate function: Warm their butts up!
But I need some seed money so I'm looking for some investors...