Get a job Slangin' for the Government!

Now you can get a job slangin' for the DEA! No not selling drugs, but as a translator of black english, also know as ebonics. They are hiring interpreters for 114 different dialects, and decided to throw in slang as well.

One of the many ironies of this is that several years ago, the Oakland school board attempted to acknowledge ebonics formally in an effort to make english classes better able to translate ebonics to "proper english". To put it simply, how can you translate a language (ebonics to english) if you don't recognize the language you are translating?? (ebonics) Anyway, the entire country, including Bill Cosby and Jesse Jackson, totally dismissed the effort, completely misunderstanding the proposals intention. (no thanks to the media mischaracterization: can you say Shirley Sherrod?)

Now, the federal government in their supreme wisdom figure out that they need to formally translate ebonics to english in sting operations so they can make even more drug arrests of black men (as if the disproportinate number of blacks being sent to prison is not quite where it should and could be).

The irony of all ironies:

Translating ebonics for black kids in Oakland so they can learn proper english = very bad idea.

Trnaslating ebonics for DEA agents so they can incarcerate larger numbers of black men = great idea!

WTF???

Besides the issue of not working for the "Man" to further target and oppress black males for a drug policy that is racist and misguided (alcohol related deaths outnumber ALL illicit drugs combined as well as drug realted killings! Research that for yourself!), primarily targeting and criminalizing users instead of offering prevention and treatment....

...this is actually hella funny. (translation: very funny)

Try to imagine what the interview process would look like:

interviewer: "so tell me some slang?"

applicant: "Mutha#*&, you best hook me up with this gig b'foe I bust you in yo grill"

interviewer: "ohhh, that's good. What did you say?"

applicant: "I said that I'm very qualified and confident that I am a perfect fit for the job..."

and what would the resume say:

"Attended dozens of sideshows in 2010, participating in numerous dice games."

"Can text message 90 abbreviated words per minute"

"Currently have over 2500 myspace friends, 1900 facebook friends, and 1200 followers on twitter."

"Unemployed for 2 years, hanging on the block most days."

And then let's visualize this "translators" first day at work:

"Sooo, T Money, did I say that correct?"

"No it's C CASH."

"Right right, C cash... this is your cubicle...here's your headset... and let me introduce you to the team... Bill and Laura, I want you to welcome C cash. He's our new interpreter for the drug survellance unit...

Hi C cash! (looking at their ebonics cheat sheet). "What's the dilley yo?" (chuckle) Did I get it right?!

This is all a hot mess.

Nights Over Egypt

I ran across these journal notes from a trip I took to Egypt in 2002. All true stories.

Driving

The lanes in Egypt are merely suggested paths of travel. Egyptians don't use headlights at night. "They use up the battery" one cab driver told me. They are flashed only to avoid oncoming traffic or striking pedestrians. Stoplights and stop signs are very rare and again are merely suggestions. Blinkers are a rare courtesy. I saw the first car use a blinker on my 5th day there. The horn is used more than the brakes. There wasn't 1 stoplight on a 15 mile stretch along the downtown shoreline in Alexandria. Crossing the street is exactly like the game Frogger on difficulty level 10.

Cigarettes are customarily offered to you by cab drivers before they ceremoniously light up every single time- no exceptions. One cab ride, the cab driver stopped at the gas station and asked me to pay for gas.

All cabs are equipped with an old meter that has not worked in decades. There are only a few places smoking is not allowed, the library and convention hall.

Sightseeing

When I was in the temple of Karnak, a soilder called me over and pointed to a monument, indicating that it was a good spot for a picture... then he asked for a tip. Because I am not familiar with weapons, I could not tell if his rifle was semi or fully automatic but it didn't matter, I tipped him automatically.

Travelling

When I caught a domestic flight on Egypt Air the announcer said "In case of change in cabin pressure, put out your cigarette first then secure your oxygen mask..."