Since my children have been born I have been to the doctor and dentist dozens of times but only a few times for myself. My wonderful wife went to the dentist a few weeks ago and convieniently scheduled me for a cleaning and check up. When my appointment was a week away I suddenly realized: Every year for as long as I can remember, when I go to the dentist, the hygenist asks the 2 simple questions: How often do you brush? and how often do you floss? Well, I brush my teeth dutifully every day but flossin'? I'm sorry, I just don't floss. Don't get me wrong. I like the idea. I understand the importance of it. I have a box of floss in my glove compartment, all over the house. I just don't floss. So when they ask me that question I usually say, "every now and then" They reply with more precise interrogation techniques asking me "how many times a week?" I reply with the "sometimes... sometimes a couple times a month" (this is a lie because it's less than that). When it's clear that I simply don't floss, they start in with the speech: "blah blah blah, you'll get gum disease, blah blah blah, your teeth will fall out, blah blah blah". This effectively shames me but does absolutely nothing to alter my behavior.
So, I resolve that I will floss my teeth every day for a week so that they won't even ask the question and if they do I can say in all honesty "I flossed every day this week..." However, 6 days go by and I didn't floss not one time. Then I decide something for the first time in my life. I decide I am going to stand up to my hygenist. I start preparing a speech in my head "You know, I'm 34 years old. I take care of my family. I am a faithful and devoted husband and father. I just don't floss. Some black men don't wear condoms. Some people never wear seatbelts. Some people drink malt liquor. I don't floss. If I can live with it, then dammit, you should take your copay and put some mint on the tooth buffer, clean my teeth like I am paying you to do and keep the guilt speech to yourself. When I get gingivitis, then maybe I'll start flossing. Until then, it ain't broke so I ain't trying to fix nothing.
When I went to the dentist today, my hygenist actually didn't ask the questions! She cleaned my teeth and never said a word. Could I really be grown now? No more interrogation? No more guilt trip? Yeah, I'm a grown ass man and I don't floss.
